Online Dating

So many people have a negative attitude towards online dating and it astounds me. There's an impression that it means you're desperate, or can't find a date the "normal" way.

I remember when I came out to my Mum as polyamorous over a year ago. She was initially shocked, of course, and I was telling her about my boyfriend at the time, Mr Oldman. She asked me a couple of cursory questions about him and when she asked how we met I said on an online dating site. I could tell from her reaction that she was horrified! (Perhaps even moreso than she was about polyamory itself).

But what is the "normal" way to find new sweeties? Here is my very scientific list detailing how I've met each of my sweeties:

1. Mr First (51 weeks) - A long and rather cute story, but it ultimately results in me having met him through an acquaintance I met in class at uni. 
2. Mr Wrong (5 years, ongoing) - Met at a mutual friend's birthday party
3. Mr Oldman (8 months) - Online dating site
4. Mr Wonderful (8 months) - Convoluted, but here goes: I was looking for a roleplaying group and found contact details for one online, that guy referred me to Mr Wonderful, who I had coincidentally seen at Roller Derby training earlier that month
5. Mr Steak (1 month, ongoing) - Online dating site

So it looks like we've got 40% online dating, 40% meeting through friends, and 20% hobbies. Anecdotal experience is, of course, a terrible source for information, so I found some stats on snopes that was taken from a Harris Interactive Survey.

Turns out, 32% of couples meet through work or school, 30% through other people (friends/family/blind dates), 25% met in a public place (e.g. bar/coffee shop/neighbourhood) , and 6% met online (dating site/chat room).

The thought of meeting someone in a bar of coffee shop is really weird to me - probably as weird as online dating is to most. I imagine going to a bar specifically to find and pick up a sweetie, which would be out of character for me since I don't drink very often at all. Worse still, if you did, you barely have anything to go on about your potential date than whether you have chemistry and how they look and carry themselves in a social situation.

When online dating, I know if someone likes dogs or cats, smoker/non-smoker, how much they drink, if they do hard drugs, if they're into crystal healing, what they do for a living, how well they can communicate in the written word, and of course whether they're open to polyamorous relationships. Someone said that this takes the mystery out of the relationship, or the fun of finding out new things, but I disagree. Despite having a vast knowledge of Mr Steak's character thanks to his online dating profile, I still get to find out all sorts of things from meeting him in person. (e.g. he is fun to watch Survivor with, and he also dislikes Lord of the Rings!). It's just a lot of the initial screening process is taken care of for you. And I like that.

The Breakup: A Playlist

Well, I'm moving back to my hometown after a year in another town for work.

As a result, me and Mr Wonderful are no longer any sort of official "thing". It's been an emotional time, and I made a playlist to commemorate it.

The biggest thing I noticed when putting this list together is most of the songs are singing about women, and most of the time the perspective I was wanting to give was one in which Mr Wonderful was in the role of the woman. Otherwise some of the songs seem kind of arrogant, improperly placed, or weird. 

For those who may be interested, here's the playlist with a few lines from each song for context.

On being a victim

This post has a trigger and TMI warning for childhood sexual abuse.

Keep reading after the jump if you want to.

I would like to warn any friends who read this that this contains some very personal information that you might have preferred not to have found out.

I wrote this over a period from June 2012-now, which is why it's so long.

The broken refrigerator and its application to triggers

This entry was written after my first day of "therapy", but published well afterwards.

The counselling session opened with mindfulness meditation. (I mentioned I was nervous, he suggested we do a meditation/breathing exercise to get me calmer). That took me by surprise. It was just like Sam Harris' one from the Global Atheist Convention 2012, so I felt a little less weird about it since I'd had experience with that sort of thing before.

I noticed one interesting thing that my counsellor said that I could really relate to as a polyamorist.

He said, "Often when we feel negative emotions our immediate reaction is to run away from them or avoid them. But we would really benefit from looking at the emotions, or confronting them in some way and examining the reasons behind them. It's often just your body and mind trying to warn you about a threat, but in reality there's no threat there."

I almost said to him, "that sounds just like the broken refrigerator analogy for polyamory!". 

But I didn't. I wrote this blog post instead.

It's a cultural thing, okay?

Atheism and Christmas time is a theme that's been done to death, but in all my time I haven't really seen much on a topic near and dear to my heart: the nativity scene.

A nativity scene is about the most religious Christmas decoration you could imagine - small ceramic figures of  Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the wise men and farm animals. It's the first thing you'd expect an atheist family to cast aside.

When I was a kid, my family had a nativity scene. A real basic one - the holy family and some animals. It was without a doubt my absolute favourite part of christmas. I'd set it out and arrange the figures with much joy.

When I went to France at the end of year 11, I had the opportunity to stay in Provence, a region that has an amazing custom of the crèche - a nativity scene that is of such a scale that it extends to incorporate the entire city of Bethlehem. Most families have one with a few dozen pieces; some churches or shopping centres would have ones with hundreds. My host mother had quite a few pieces and we even went on a trip to Frejus so she could visit a market and pick up a new figure or two.

My host mother's creche! Isn't it pretty? (click to see full size)

Remembering my childhood fascinations, I was fascinated with them and was almost going to buy a few figures until I saw the ones at the market cost several euros each (boo!).

A few days ago, amid very droll observations of the presence of Christmas stuff in the stores in August, I thought to myself, "me and Mr Wrong need to buy a christmas tree in the after christmas sales so we have one next year". Then I remembered the nativity scene thing, and all the stuff it meant to me and reminded me of and how "cool" it was.

So you know what I did? I bought one. A legitimate provençale set that's going to be shipped from France with about a dozen pieces.

And you know what? I like the tradition. So I'm going to continue it, religious baggage be damned!

I'd like to hear other peoples' opinions on this. What religious customs are you keeping that perhaps you shouldn't? What customs do you miss?

Relationships that can't last aren't such a problem in polyamory

Often, you see on dating advice columns or similar people asking for advice about their current relationships. They have a partner who they love a great deal and have a nice relationship with, but for some reason or other there's a point of incompatibility that, whilst small, is insurmountable. I often see this on reddit where a girl is childfree but her boyfriend wants kids, or a guy is fiscally responsible but his boyfriend throws money around on designer shoes, and many other examples.

In these situations, the sage dispensing their valuable advise will invariably say something along the lines of "You need to break up. I know it's going to be hard, I know you don't want to do this, but you can't stay together so it's best to get it over with."

This seems to stem in some way on the monogamous need to find "the one" - any time you're spending with this "dead end" partner is time you could be searching for "the one". In polyamory, you can date partners who "aren't marriage material" whilst still being able to date partners who are.

I can relate to this situation. Mr Wonderful is just such a partner; he's super important to me right now and my world revolves around him and I want to spend every minute I can snuggled into his shoulder, but I know on a deeper level that we're not compatible at this stage in our lives. (Maybe in 5 years that will change; who knows). I know that if I was monogamous, I would be seriously considering ending things with him because it would be the right long-term strategy so I could go find my prince charming.

But I am so, so happy that I'm not monogamous because I'm not ready to say goodbye to Mr Wonderful.

I might never be.

But I'm also not ready to marry him in the foreseeable future. And there's no problem with that.

The things society lets us get away with

Yesterday I got to help out at a science fair as one of the judges. It was a pretty cool experience, ranging from seeing the kids who really didn't give a shit (as was to be expected) to the kids who had done awesome experiments and obviously put a lot of effort into their data and its presentation.

The highlight for me was a poster detailing one student's quest to find out how to store coke to prevent it going flat; refrigerated or not and with the lid on or not. As a heavy drinker of pepsi (I am trying to cut back, I swear!) I could really relate to this. Other honourable mentions include comparing different types of diet drink in how they react to mentos and the really dedicated group that grew three plants, feeding them monster energy drink, powerade (it's got electrolytes! they're what plants crave!), or water and measuring the plant height every day.

After the judging was over, the school invited us into the staff room for a cup of tea and a biscuit. I walked in, all smiles, and was greeted by a middle-aged teacher who was sitting at the table eating his lunch.

The following exchange occurs:

Him: You can't be an engineer! (smiling, joking way)
Me: Why? (expecting a comment about my age, funnily enough)
Him: You're a woman! Women are meant to be at home cooking dinner. (again, clearly a joke and meaning nothing by it)
Me: Dude, that's not funny, not even as a joke.

I am really proud of myself for saying something back, even if he got a little bit offended by my reaction. He made some justificationy comments like "I'm not a sexist, my sister in law is an engineer and when she was presenting to some businessmen in Dubai they mistook her for the tea lady and asked her to bring them coffee".

But seriously, you might think my reaction was a bit much, but imagine someone saying something like that to a black man. Doesn't that just horrify you and make you super uncomfortable, thinking about someone joking that a black engineer shouldn't be engineering but shining shoes or picking cotton or whatever the racism is?

Why the hell does our society let people make comments like that about women?

Oh, and the best thing? He was the home economics teacher.

Disengage!

I hate being in the closet.

Yeah, there's a polyamory closet. Parents, work colleagues, and friends don't necessarily take kindly to hearing their son's girlfriend has a guy on the side.

Me and Mr Wrong came out of the closet together around November 2011. This was pretty early into being poly; I made a post on the subject. In the intervening six months, my mother hasn't gotten more positive and isn't quite sure how she feels about us being engaged if we're not going to be "committed" to one another. (Being committed and being exclusive are, of course, two very different things!)

Mr Oldman sort-of-but-not-really came out to his Mum in January. He told her that his new girlfriend (me!) was dating someone else as well; in my mind, he communicated that I was casually dating two guys and would eventually "choose" one of them. He properly came out to his sister (in detail) more recently. He was speaking of coming out to his mother in more detail soon, which has made me really happy.

I hate the closet. I hate "being dishonest". Having dinner with Mr Oldman's parents while we were dating was really stressful for me - I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I keep on having to dance around the fact that I live with a guy I'm desperately in love with. Before I go to see them, I have to "disengage" - take off my ring. I don't like lying. I can't do it.

Strangely enough, I once encouraged Mr Wonderful to give the closet a go. He was having to choose between me and another girl, and was worried that the Other Girl's parents wouldn't approve of him having two girlfriends. I told him "the closet was invented for people like you" and pontificated on the benefits of introducing the Other Girl to his parents whilst keeping me his secret on the side. I think I proposed this partially because I knew the Other Girl wasn't poly inclined (so it would never happen), and I would have been okay with it because I wouldn't be the one lying to Mr Wonderful's parents. Plus, a stressful relationship filled with lies is better than no relationship at all.

Of course, Mr Wonderful hates lying even more than I do (he told me to swear never to tell his sister about us; within a fortnight he'd told her on his own), so it wasn't really an option for him.

But I really don't understand how so many poly people think the closet is acceptable in the long-term. I read about many triads who are outwardly a "couple" with a "roommate". Do these people really want to hide their loving, multiple-year relationships from the world? How can they do it, when I couldn't stand hiding my (at the time) ordinary, two-month relationship from my parents?

Platonic Sex

I found this in my archives and saw that I never posted it. Rather than let it linger, I think it should be published for the world to see.

This was written in February/March 2012.

This all remains pretty accurate. I never developed feelings for 3; I certainly give partial credit to the rules we made, though our desire to ensure that no feelings came of it probably had a greater impact.
------
So, it turns out an FWB arrangement can work; at least for a little while.

It's still surprisingly early days. Because of things we won't get into, we've been physically intimate less than half a dozen times, so there's certainly a possibility that in a few months time there'll be another post that will make me eat these words.

I'm impressed by how well my brain is compartmentalising the arrangement. I was actually rather worried that it wouldn't; that the stories would be true and I'd begin to feel those pesky emotions I've heard so much about, but no.

I still fantasize sexually, of course. The object of my fantasy varies depending on the day and the act I'm fantasising about, and 3 is very much in the rotation. But I'm very detached, emotionally speaking. The feelings of romance and affection I feel for my boyfriends Mr Wrong and Mr Oldman are very strong when I think about them and especially so in sexual situations; not so with 3.

I remember once when I was waiting to see 3 for some planned intimacy. I remember worrying because I didn't feel like being intimate with him; I wasn't looking forward to it. I hoped that when the situation became sexual it would work out; and it did.

I don't quite know what I'm trying to say here. I guess it's that in a sexual context (in bed, undressed) I find 3 irressistable, but seeing him in a non-sexual context (even shirtless for swimming, say) does nothing for me.

I guess I'm just impressed my mind can be so detached from the whole thing. The media has always made it clear that such detachment is at best difficult and at worst impossible, but it's not been our experience.

I should also mention that the sex is very interesting because it's completely detached and platonic - we'll be hanging out as friends in bed, kissing and touching, laughing and joking, without any of the warm emotions that I have with Mr Wrong and Mr Oldman. I still have a great time with 3, but it's so very different.

I wish that I had words to describe it beyond "platonic", because apparently by definition the act of sex can't be "platonic" (which is defined as: Intimate and affectionate but not sexual.). But oh well - when I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.

Positive Tales: Coming Out

When I met Alice, she was presenting as male - the gender she was assigned at birth. She was a pretty cool lady, and I quickly found out that she identified as bigender and would sometimes wear women's clothing. I was fascinated because gender is something I'm really interested in and I'm always happy to learn and discuss things on that theme. I'd gotten a few inklings that maybe she was still questioning her gender issues from things she'd said.

Then the other day she came out on facebook, telling everyone she is a trans woman and letting everyone know her preferred name and politely saying "if you could start using my new name and pronouns, that would be nice, no rush, and I won't yell if you screw up because it's a big change".

Her post coming out has been "liked" by 60 people - about half her facebook friends (and given many people have a lot of distant fb friends who don't read posts, etc, I feel that is super cool). The post was full of messages of love and support from everyone.

Then we were at a party last night, and she showed up looking bitchin' in a dress and tights and one of those 3/4 jumper things that I could never pull off. She looked gorgeous - Mr Wrong actually whispered to me in all seirousness that she was the most attractive girl at the party.

The thing that really fucking warmed my heart though was that almost everyone there, a scant few days after the announcement, were using the name "Alice" and using the female pronouns. It was obviously a source of respectful, curious discussion but there were just as many people giving her speeches about how proud they are of her for coming out and all that sort of thing. If you were there you would have felt all the love and support emanating from the group of people for Alice. And that was pretty cool.

Today, Alice is going to come out to her parents. I hope it goes well, and if the last couple of days have been any indication I don't see why it wouldn't.

Don't imagine I'm too familiar

I was recently at the "Is Life Meaningless?" debate held between the UWA Christian Union and the UWA Atheist and Skeptic Society.

I'm going to completely gloss over the entire point of the debate to bring up something I noticed that I thought was interesting -

The two debaters were named Ben and Daniel. Most people who know Daniel are aware that he prefers not to be called "Dan".

However, Ben would always refer to him by that name. Every time he said "Dan" I sort of cringed a little.

The cynic in me wants to say that Ben wanted to look familiar or friendly towards Daniel by using the shortened form of the name, and the irony was that by using it he was showing anyone who knew Daniel that he barely knew Daniel at all.



Incidentally, Daniel has a far better blog than mine, so if you don't already read it please do. You can find it at http://goodreasonblog.blogspot.com.au/

Love and choice

Johnny Depp - if you really did say that - if only you knew. If only you knew.

Here's my take on it:

"Loving two people at the same time means there are two people  who will spend time with you, smile at you, and give you support; in turn, you can provide these things for two people you love."

Or, more snidely:

"If you love two of your children at the same time, put your first one up for adoption. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have wanted to have the second."

The State of the State's Freethought Clubs

Recently, I had the pleasure of joining the movers and shakers of WA's student clubs at a lovely dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant in Northbridge.

I am currently the co-ordinator for the university clubs in WA, so I tried to get the discussion going and make sure the clubs were able to support each other and share resources.

Here is what we found out:

UWA Atheist & Skeptic Society (UASS)
This is my former club and also, coincidentally, the oldest and most successful of WA's clubs. We have always enjoyed a good relationship with our Christian Union - even though we disagree on some fundamental issues, they've always treated us well and it's important to me that this relationship continue as, being a larger club, they have many resources that we don't. I made sure the vice president was aware of the good history that she's going to be trading on. They're planning on having a debate in the first four weeks of semester, but the exact format hasn't been agreed on.

We're also hoping to hold a skepticamp. It is being run mostly by people from the Perth Atheist/Skeptic community with some support from UASS members. UASS is able to provide the venue.

UASS is hoping to run a "Devangalisation" campaign, with a debaptism with unholy water. They're considering handing out a post de-baptism care package containing essentials for the seven deadly sins (e.g. a small mirror, a condom, chocolate...). Additionally, there are many myths about the bible and its contents that might be interesting to discuss in a formal talk.

The "Atheists in the cafe" meetings are going well and are well attended by first year students. The "Atheist in the tav" meetings are not as well attended by any stretch. This interested me because in the past the situation has been reversed.

UASS has two great poster guys (both named Daniel!) - should seek to provide these posters as a resource to other clubs. To discuss with FSA how to go about doing this.

Murdoch Atheist and Agnostic Students Society (MAASS)

MAASS has started in earnest this year and are looking to do a great job under their current unleadership; they've bought some badges from cafepress and are having success selling them. They have a stand every Thursday with about 5 regulars. Their relationship with their Christian Union is not as good as UASS; that's something they might want to work towards improving. They might have a debate with them in the future; if that's going to happen it might be a good idea to practice working through some more common arguments since the religious folk tend to have a lot of practice discussing and defending their beliefs.

ECU Atheist Society (EAS?)
Kylie is running a one man show more or less; she's hoping to advertise and attract more members to provide support etc. She's making connections with staff members - very useful.

Freethought Student Alliance
The FSA is offering mid year packs - all the WA clubs definitely want some! ECU is probably most in need though due to its lack of membership; at the same time, its lack of membership means it might not have anything it can DO with the pack.

A little poly-hack I figured out...

Recently, me and Mr Wonderful have been able to go to bed together on weeknights while Mr Wrong hung out with our roommate. (Understandably, Mr Wrong doesn't want to be left bored and lonely by himself so I can sleep with Mr Wonderful).

However, our roommate is moving out so no longer will Mr Wrong have company. This made me sad, as I was left with the choice of not bedding Mr Wonderful nearly as often as I would like (bad), or leaving Mr Wrong to be bored and perhaps a little uncomfortable at the noises he heard coming from a nearby bedroom (also bad).

So I came up with a nice workaround - to take advantage of the fact that I won't be able to seduce Mr Wonderful by teasing him on those days, but not going to bed with him. I let him know my plans in that regard, and his response was to express a desire to be so dashingly sexy that he would seduce me despite my plans.

It will make our planned "date night" so much more satisfying after that much build up, whilst keeping Mr Wrong from getting too lonely in the meantime. Win-win-win!

This has taught me to look for opportunities in the restrictions that polyamory inevitably puts on your love life.

Steve Irons

Steve Irons, the liberal party member for Swan, is quoted as saying:

“Gay marriage supporters want us to rewrite the Bible.”

No, Steve: I don't want to rewrite the bible for its attitude towards gay marriage any more than I want to rewrite Heart of Darkness for its attitudes towards Africans.

You can keep your book with all the same words in it, honestly. I don't give a damn.

New World of Darkness... IN SPACE!

I recently GMed a session of New World of Darkness... IN SPACE!

It was for a bunch of new friends and one old friend who I'd never GMed for before. I love GMing, I've run a couple of games, but being human I'm often doubting my abilities.

I'd been building this session up and talking about it a bit - mentioning it, saying it was fun, trying to organise a time for it to occur, etc. I was worried it wouldn't live up to the expectations. In fact, right beforehand, I was super nervous that nobody would enjoy it because there wouldn't be enough direction, it would stall, and I'd make a bad impression.

Strangely enough, when you're GMing, it's really easy to read a room and know whether your players are having a good time or not. It stalls when people aren't quite sure what to do, aren't attached to their characters, aren't attached to the story, too busy redditing or playing LoL to pay attention, whatever.

But sometimes, it works well and everyone is like a well-oiled machine. You can see people having fun, making quips, and getting into the story. This was one of those times - even though the characters were pre-made.

Here's what I learned:

• The story really doesn't have to be complicated. It was a simple storyline, which made it easier because the players didn't have to keep track of much.
• You can have tension/horror (cannibalism) and humour (everybody's dead, dave) in the same story and it can still work. 
• In past games, when players got distracted on their laptops, I should have both been firmer with them and made a better effort to entertain them.
• I'm better at improvising than I thought (and, being arrogant, I thought I was pretty good before).
• Corollary: I come up with lots of ideas (space manatees!) DURING sessions. As such, re-running games with a fresh set of players is something I should do more often.
• Given there were two NPCs I really should have spent 10 minutes making each of them a full character sheet.
• It's important to accelerate things so that way the game can be finished before it's time for everyone to go home.
• Players will often help with this.

After that experience I'm seriously considering running a new campaign of my own, perhaps a short one (say, 6 sessions) with some clear goals. Based on what I've learned, I'm also considering streamlining and re-running an old campaign (or at least reusing its premise). 

Triggering dysphoria

Dysphoria is a concept well-known in the trans* community; essentially, it's the feeling that your body is wrong and those primary or secondary sexual characteristics are not part of you. It's very unpleasant to say the least.

I'm a cis girl (meaning, at birth they assigned me the gender of "female" and I am cool with that), so I haven't had occaision to feel it properly or in the constant, background-levels way that trans* people must feel it weighing on them at times.

I think I've managed to cultivate a feeling of dysphoria once or twice for a few seconds at a time which has led me to perhaps have some tiny twinge of understanding of what trans folks must go through every day.

I imagined being a man. Not in the "Awesome I can pee standing up and get all the jobs and not have periods and get paid more for the same jobs!" sort of way; in the way where everyone looks at me and calls me "sir", where my self is inside a big, hairy male body and everyone sees this as 'me' and just... accepts it. Where you go shopping and you buy pants and a button up shirt or t-shirt. Where you have a flat, masculine chest and a penis. Imagine actually HAVING a penis. Something growing out of your crotch, all... soft and bulbous. Imagine having to touch it and use it each time you go to the bathroom. Really imagine it and bring these feelings to the forefront of your mind. Focus on them.

The other way I did it was by buying a chest binder (something many men wear to hide their breasts). The first time I wore it and dressed in men's clothing and looked in the mirror it felt so... wrong on a fundamental level.

If you really concentrate on it, the feeling is HORRIBLE. I won't pretend to know or guess whether it emulates the trans experience, but it can definitely affect you.

101 Reasons to Be Abstinent

On facebook, I found a reference to a pamphlet entitled "101 reasons to be abstinent" and I managed to track it down and find an online copy of the majority of the pamphlet. It was... interesting to say the least.

I felt like it deserved a thorough response (OK, rant...), so here we go.

60 is a LOT of reasons, though. I didn't even realise. Thank fuck I don't have the full 101 to contend with. So my coverage gets a lot less in-depth as time goes on, since my other option was to break it down into posts with sets of 10, or organise them by category, and I'm not sure if people are actually all that concerned about these things.

Moving out of a small mental apartment

When you live in a tiny apartment, you get used to it and you don't notice how cramped and restricted you are when you don't have much space to move in.

When you move into a bigger house, or go into a huge room, you get this feeling of expansion and freedom.

I think my head may have been like that. It was all small and cramped but I didn't notice. Now all of a sudden, I feel like it's a big, open room.

And I wonder how I didn't notice how small and cramped it was earlier.

A Modest Proposal §2

For some reason, I was in a bad mood that night. Like, a really shitty mood. I was yelling and angry for no reason, bailed out on attending a party at the last minute, and all-around acted like a shitty girlfriend thanks, in no small part, to Mr Wrong deciding to get a kebab.

Yes, really. (Mr Wrong says: "To be fair, that was an awesome kebab").

All of a sudden, at the McDonald's in Innaloo, I realised that Mr Wrong puts up with bullshit like that from me far more often than he should, and far more patiently than he should. Again, things crystallised in my mind. I texted Mr Oldman and Miss Prism to let them know my plan - they both freaked out - and all of a sudden I was in a good mood.

I told Mr Wrong that we should take a walk together instead of going to the party. Went to Hillarys Marina. We went there a lot when we first started dating - in fact, our first date was held at a stall selling magnetic jewellery that we wanted to ask questions about. A fitting start to a skeptical powercouple, I guess?

I parked the car near a park and we sat on some swings and talked and hung out. Then we walked up the hill to a lookout.

The view from the lookout during the day. 

It has a nice view during the day, and it was on that very lookout that we kissed for the first time. I was super nervous at the time and couldn't stop giggling. This time, I was nervous but not giggling.

We sat on the table and Mr Wrong, ever the musician, started experimenting with the noises that the table made when he punched it. I started talking about the story Miss Prism told me about her breakup and it made me think about how much I need him in my life, and how I felt about him, and all the rest. I told him I loved him. And then I said those fateful words: "I guess what I'm trying to say is," (gets down on one knee, grabs his hands) "Will you marry me?"

An imperceptible pause and he says yes, professes his disbelief, and hugs and kisses follow. A bit of giggling too, I'd bet. 

Then we walked down that dark, twisty path and I slipped on some gravel. I got right back up and more giggling was had. We held hands and hugged like the little schoolgirls we are.

The path to the lookout! Much scarier at night, much darker! ooooo, spooky!

Then, Mr Wrong says "we should go to that party we skipped and tell everyone!" and I respond with a wholehearted "HELLS YES" and off we go for a 30 minute drive back to that party. We play some romantic music, including our song - Chloroform Girl by Polkadot Cadaver.