Sunday, October 9, 2011

On being a slut

Let me get something out of the way: The Rambling Extrovert is a blog for ranting, and here comes a rant.
"If you have sex with too many people, it's no longer special."
 Somebody said that to me today, and with the most noble intentions.

To be honest, I think that sentence is a crock of shit. I don't think a single part of it is true. I kind of want to go through each individual word and say why it's bullshit, but there's not much I can say about the word "if". This is all going to be rather nit-picking, but that's the idea.

So I'll do a (mostly) piecewise attack on the sentence, and let me know if there's an assumption or point it makes that I haven't addressed or tackled or whatever.

So, in order:

"Have sex with"
What exactly does it mean to 'have sex'? The underlying assumption of the quote is the good old "penis in vagina" sort of biblically-sanctified husband-and-wife sort of thing, but that is not what sex truly is. Yes, we'll be splitting hairs about definitions but that's what I'm doing. To some extent, sex is everything you do with someone you are attracted to. From kissing, to holding hands, to threesomes, even to what you commonly think of as "sex" - it's all part of the same thing, the same wonderful part of life that involves you and another person exploring one another's body sexually. There are gay male couples who do not have anal sex but refer to their blowjob/jack-off/etc filled bedroom life as "sex". There's no reason to be attached to the penis/vagina interaction as something different from everything most people do to each other before that hole gets plugged.

"too many people"
I'm sorry, what? Too many people? What is too many people? If you asked a version of me from a past (catholic) life, I would have said "anyone other than my future husband". Other people might be able to give a number, but it varies depending on the person. And you know what? It's bullshit, too. Is there a limit on the number of people one can kiss in their lifetime? Hold hands with? Be friends with? Smile at?  I guess I could imagine having sex with "too many" people as having sex with so many people that one's vagina ends up being rubbed raw, but even that one could accomplish by having sex with one or two people enough times in quick succession... so I'm not sure.

"no longer special"
What the hell does 'special' mean? Is the penis-in-vagina sex that people have special, really? I would be the first to say that it's a lot of fun, and yes, sure, it gets you more connected to your sex partner, but I wouldn't say it was any more dramatic than any other of the multitude of sex or romance acts out there.

And besides, why SHOULD sex be 'special'? Do you have people not wanting to play soccer too much because it would no longer be 'special'? If you like having sex, it will be special. Geez.

BESIDES,
Having sex with more than one person has, in my (addmittedly limited) experience, made it more special as you can appreciate the differences in the sexual ouvres of each person and come to understand what it is about sex with a particular partner that is really worth it. It makes you realise the difference between having sex with someone you've met recently and enjoy spending time with and want to get to know better compared with having sex with someone you've been with for a number of years and love very much and already know super well. The contrast between the delight in finding out what turns a new partner on and the comfort and security in knowing you know exactly how to drive an old partner crazy. That's why I'm loving polyamory. That's why I love being a slut. That is why the sentence I quoted is a crock of shit.

But hell, to each their own, right? I just wanted to throw my opinion out there =D.

3 comments:

  1. So... According to your extremely loose definition of sex... I still haven't had sex. :P

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  2. I agree with you, but people say this about a lot of things. Like if you eat too many cakes they are no longer special, and then you don't fancy cakes anymore. There is such thing as too much of a good thing.

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  3. Although a virgin in the penis-in-vagina traditional sense I sometimes feel like/get called a slut, and I guess I am pretty experienced with a decent number of people but I don't really think there's such a thing as too many partners... Perhaps only too many partners in a short space of time, such that each encounter cannot be truly appreciated.

    Also, that thing about sex being special, I can't say about intercourse but for me sexual activities have only begun to be special to me since finding a certain someone. I used to put up with intimacy but now I actively seek it. Whether this means I'm in love or whether it's to do with the long-distance or being off the pill, whatever, for me it's special and it makes me happy coz it has never felt like this before. :)

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