I found this in my archives and saw that I never posted it. Rather than let it linger, I think it should be published for the world to see.
This was written in February/March 2012.
This all remains pretty accurate. I never developed feelings for 3; I certainly give partial credit to the rules we made, though our desire to ensure that no feelings came of it probably had a greater impact.
So, it turns out an FWB arrangement can work; at least for a little while.
It's still surprisingly early days. Because of things we won't get into, we've been physically intimate less than half a dozen times, so there's certainly a possibility that in a few months time there'll be another post that will make me eat these words.
I'm impressed by how well my brain is compartmentalising the arrangement. I was actually rather worried that it wouldn't; that the stories would be true and I'd begin to feel those pesky emotions I've heard so much about, but no.
I still fantasize sexually, of course. The object of my fantasy varies depending on the day and the act I'm fantasising about, and 3 is very much in the rotation. But I'm very detached, emotionally speaking. The feelings of romance and affection I feel for my boyfriends Mr Wrong and Mr Oldman are very strong when I think about them and especially so in sexual situations; not so with 3.
I remember once when I was waiting to see 3 for some planned intimacy. I remember worrying because I didn't feel like being intimate with him; I wasn't looking forward to it. I hoped that when the situation became sexual it would work out; and it did.
I don't quite know what I'm trying to say here. I guess it's that in a sexual context (in bed, undressed) I find 3 irressistable, but seeing him in a non-sexual context (even shirtless for swimming, say) does nothing for me.
I guess I'm just impressed my mind can be so detached from the whole thing. The media has always made it clear that such detachment is at best difficult and at worst impossible, but it's not been our experience.
I should also mention that the sex is very interesting because it's completely detached and platonic - we'll be hanging out as friends in bed, kissing and touching, laughing and joking, without any of the warm emotions that I have with Mr Wrong and Mr Oldman. I still have a great time with 3, but it's so very different.
I wish that I had words to describe it beyond "platonic", because apparently by definition the act of sex can't be "platonic" (which is defined as: Intimate and affectionate but not sexual.). But oh well - when I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.